【長笑不老】MY-HIEND 笑話集中營

[小佐]

日首相英文0分

其實若我是這位首相~~我也是這樣回答~~~：「ME TO HA HA HA...」

我老婆真叫~蜜雪兒

[maxist]

「ME TO HA HA HA...」-> 我去哈哈哈....? |(|-|(|-

會不會美日大戰啊..........

[tim988675]

Tim兄, 你要體諒一下L&J兄, 他特地插了個笑話轉移話題, 就不要再提了啦

我倒是常常被老婆叫我衣服脫光...因為蚊子太多......這要列入台灣第一孝了吧!!!

但真的有效嗎??
蚊子好像對體質差異還是會所挑剔的
哈哈

[bean]

Reason why I avoid visiting HiFi friends that are rich:



Once visiting a very rich friend to listen to his hifi setup. The maid approached me and......

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda,
Tea,Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush
tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?
Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer: "With m ilk "

Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer: "With cow's milk please.

Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "
Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst

[Leo Yeh]

good service of your high end friends.

[tim988675]

女生的日記：

昨天晚上他真的是非常非常古怪。
我們本來約好了一起去一個餐廳吃晚飯。
但是我白天和我好朋友去shopping了，結果就去晚了一會兒，
可能就因此他就不高興了。

他一直不理睬我，氣氛僵極了。
後來我主動讓步，說我們都退一步，好好的交流一下吧。
他雖然同意了，但是還是繼續沉默，
一副無精打採心不在焉的樣子。
我問他到底怎麼了，他只說"沒事。"
後來我就問他，是不是我惹他生氣了。
他說，這不關我的事，讓我不要管。

在回家的路上我對他說，我愛他。
但是他只是繼續開車，一點反應也沒有。
我真的不明白呵，我不知道他為什麼不再說"我也愛你"了。
我們到家的時候我感覺，我可能要失去他了，
因為他已經不想跟我有什麼關系了，他不想理我了。
他坐在那兒什麼也不說，就只是悶著頭的看電視。
繼續發呆，繼續無精打采。後來我只好自己上床睡去了。

十分鐘以後他爬到床上來了。
讓我吃驚的是他居然過來愛撫我然後和我做愛。
可是盡管如此我還是感覺，他一直都在想別的什麼。
他的心思根本不在我這裡！這真的是太讓我心痛了。

我決定要跟他好好的談一談。但是他居然就已經睡著了！
我只好躺在他身邊默默的流淚，後來哭著哭著睡著了。
我現在非常的確定，他肯定是有了別的女人了。
這真的像天塌下來了一樣。
天哪，我真不知道我活著還有什麼意義．
________________________________________

男生的日記:

今天紐約洋基隊居然輸了，不過晚上做愛還挺爽。

[Leo Yeh]

好像真的是這樣

不過若是反過來也有可能

越是在乎想得越多

[y ping]

好像真的是這樣

不過若是反過來也有可能

越是在乎想得越多

也是.........................

[Leo Yeh]

氣象預報石

[Leo Yeh]

這是美國CBS 60 Minutes (六十分鐘 )主持人Andy Rooney對40歲以上的女人的看法:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.
隨著年齡增長, 我越來越珍惜40歲以上的女人

Here are just a few reasons why:
為什麼呢?

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,
40歲以上的女人不會在半夜把你吵醒, 然後問你:

"What are you thinking?"
你在想什麼?

She doesn't care what you think.
她才不在乎你在想什麼。

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game,
40歲以上的女人如果不想看球賽

she doesn't sit around whining about it.
她不會坐在你旁邊抱怨東抱怨西

She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
她會去做她想做的、更有趣的事情

Women over 40 are dignified.
40歲以上的女人穩重自持

They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera
不會在歌劇院或高級餐廳裡

or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
跟你大呼小叫

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you
當然，如果你罪有應得，她們也可能神不知鬼不覺地

if they think they can get away with it.
一槍把你給斃了。

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
熟女不吝於讚美 (不管是不是實至名歸)

They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
因為她們親身體驗過被忽略的滋味

Women get psychic as they age.
女人越老越通靈

You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
你永遠不需要向40歲以上的女人懺悔

Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
只要能夠對皺紋視而不見

a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
40歲以上的女人遠比年輕美眉性感

Older women are forthright and honest.
熟女直接又誠實

They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
如果你是蠢蛋 她們會馬上叫你滾蛋

You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
你完全不需要傷腦筋揣摩她的心意

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
40歲以上的女人有很多優點

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
40歲以上的男人呢?

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40,
相對於每一個性感、迷人的40歲以上的女人

there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants
就有一個禿頭凸肚的熟男

making a fool of himself with some 20-year old waitress.
厚臉皮地跟小他20歲的美眉調情

Ladies, I apologize.
女士們，請容許我在這兒

For all those men who say,
幫妳們說句公道話:

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?",
那些說只想喝免費的牛奶而不願買頭母牛回家的男人

here's an update for you.
實在是太搞不清楚狀況了

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
今天有80%的女人寧願不結婚

Why?
為什麼呢?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig
因為她們終於發現不需要為了一根香腸

just to get a little sausage!
買回整隻豬!